At War With My Heart
by tomorrow.will.be.kinder
Summary: After Klaus is born, Mikael discover's the truth. "His heart was pained, full of betrayal of what his wife had done but also for the love he held for her. It wagers a war inside him and he fights to control the anger that was close to spilling over."


**AN: So here we go, my second Vampire Diaries fic! I've recently become obsessed with Mikael/Esther for some strand reason and their is not enough fics about them on here so I decided to write my own. To be honest, it isn't very good but I tried my best and I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Vampire Diaries!**

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_Hold me closer one more time,  
Say that you love me in your last goodbye,  
Please forgive me for my sins,  
Yes, I swam dirty waters,  
But you pushed me in,  
I've seen your face under every sky,  
Over every border and on every line,  
You know my heart more than I do,  
We were the greatest, me and you,_

_~o~_

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She does not tell him of her transgression right away. It is not until after Niklaus is born that she reveals to him the truth.

He stands above Niklaus who lays in his cradle- the cradle that he had built for Elijah when he had been born. He was a mere two weeks old and his usually bright blue eyes stared up at him, his small arms waving in the air. He hears Esther enter the room and felt her hand land on his arm. He glances at her and she turns her eyes away from their son to smile him. He catches her hand and brings it to his lips, dropping a light kiss on her knuckles. She smiles at him but it does not reach her eyes.

"He is beautiful, Esther." He murmurs and she smiles that smile again. She nods anyway and turns her gaze back to Niklaus who coos softly. What he does not know, is that she relishes in this moment, when he is not in one of his many rages and is the caring affectionate man she does not often see. "My son…" He murmurs under his breath and reaches out to stroke the tuff of blonde hair on Niklaus' head. He hears his wife let out a labored breath and he turns his head just in time to see the fear in his wife's eyes. This puzzles him and he pulls his hand away from Niklaus and turns to her.

"Is something wrong, my love?" He says, his brows furrow and a frown on his face. Esther's eyes dart to Niklaus and then back to him, and she swallows. She closes her eyes for a moment and when she opens them, there is sorrow in their green depths.

"Mikael, there is something I need to tell you." She says, and she fights back a sob. She has no idea how he will react and silently, she prays to the gods that he will forgive her for what she has done. He looks at her, obviously perplexed.

"What is it, Esther?" He replies, firmly. He wishes to know what is bothering her so greatly, to make her so fearful of telling him.

"Niklaus," She says breathily and pauses, "is not your son."

Immediately, he feels his eyes grow wide and he stares at his wife in disbelief. Tears pool in the corners of her eyes and he closes his eyes for a moment as the raging anger rushes through him.

"What do you mean, he is not my son?" He exclaims, his loud voice reverberating off the walls of their home. Esther flinches, and involuntarily takes a step back from him. She has seen him like this before and it only gets worse from here. "You-you-you-you wench!" He roars in frustration and glares at her. Advancing toward her, she backs away as he comes closer. He lifts his hand as if to hit her and she closes her eyes expecting the blow. Quickly he drops it and stares at his hand, surprised at himself. He knew of many men who hit their wives, but he had never hit Esther and wouldn't start now.

He runs a hand roughly through his air, and closes his eyes, trying to compose himself. By now, tears run down her cheeks and she visibly trembles in front of him. Instantly, he feels guilt for making her afraid of him and he takes a step away from her.

"When?" He says quietly, his eyes closing in pain. He can hear her sobbing silently in front of him but he doesn't make a move to comfort her.

"You w-w-were away. On a-a hunting trip." She stutters, choking back another painful sob. "Mikael, I am so sorry. I cannot even express how sorry I am."

He ignores this and he shakes his head, still in shock. "How could do this? Do this to me? To our family? I ought to throw you out!" He snarls and her weeping grows louder. "How many-how many times did you lay with him"? He spits the words, in disgust of what she has done. The tears streak down her face, and she wipes at them furiously.

"Once. Just once." She says and he lets out a deep breath, not even knowing he had been holding it in the first place. She swallows back a sob and tries to calm herself. "Mikael, I am so utterly and undeniably sorry. Even now I do not why I did it."

"I cannot understand why, either." He snaps back angrily and looks away in shame. So many questions run through his mind and he roars in anger and frustration once again. She bows her head, her heart full of guilt and pain. The silence in the room is loud and full of unsaid thoughts. He is the one to break it.

"Do you love him?" He says slowly, uncertain of whether he wants to hear her answer. She looks up at this, and gazes into his eyes.

"No. I only love you, Mikael." She says urgently, willing him to believe her. "I never did. I was lonely and I thought that you did not love me anymore." She admits her voice barely above a whisper. He gazes her at incredulity. Quickly, he takes a step forward and places a hand on both her shoulders.

"How could you ever think that, Esther?" He murmurs, trying to catch her eyes with his but she looks away in shame. "I love you. I always have and always will." Her eyes fill with tears once again and as one escapes, he reaches up and brushes it away with his thumb.

"Oh, Mikael. How I love you, too. I am so sorry. Please, please forgive me for what I've done. I love Niklaus and he is not a mistake, but how I wish he was yours." She cries and he wraps his arms around her, pulling her close. His heart was pained, full of betrayal of what his wife had done but also for the love he held for her. It wagers a war inside him and he fights to control the anger that was close to spilling over. Despite his inner turmoil, he comforts his sobbing wife.

"Shush, my love. Please do not cry." He murmurs into her hair and slowly, her sobs subsided and she pulled away. She gazes into his eyes; her green eyes brimmed with sadness and regret. He wishs to her ask so many more questions but decided now was not time and she need not be plagued with more guilt as he believed that she was truly sorry.

He un-wrapped his arms from around her and brought them to cup her face. He brought her close and pressed a soft kiss to her forward before pulling away. He smiled softly at her and he received a small sad smile in return.

"I love you Esther." He murmured and she blinked away tears, ones of happiness and ones of regret and pain.

"As I love you, Mikael." With one last squeeze of her hand and another smile, he turned away from her. His smile disappeared and was replaced with a look of fierce determination and rage. On his way out of room, he stops at the sight of his two older sons. Elijah looked up at him, his wide eyes filled with concern and puzzlement at the situation. Finn stood beside him, his small body wavering on unsteady legs, the only thing keeping him from toppling over was Elijah's hand clenched around his own.

"Papa?" Elijah said as Mikael turns to leave, but turns around. He kneels in front of his oldest son, a hand on his shoulder.

"Elijah, why don't you go see your mother, she is need of a visit from you too." He says and his son nods and turns to go to his mother, dragging Finn along with him.

Getting to his feet, Mikael lets out a breath and heads toward the door of their home. He knew who he was looking for, vaguely remembering a day when he had seen a man speaking to Esther. At the time he had thought nothing of it, but now he realizes that the man must be Niklaus' father. Grabbing his sword on the way out, he shoves it in his scabbard. With snarl and a plot to destroy the one who dared to disrespect him so foolishly, he threw open the door of their home and disappeared into the darkness.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~

Later, the news would spread throughout the village that a whole family had been slayed in a nearby village. As neighbor relayed the news to them, he would feel his wife's gaze on him and turned just in time to see a flash of anger on her face. He continued to listen the neighbor who told the story, his eyes hardening.

In his mind, he treated Niklaus as he did the rest of the children and they never told him the truth of who his father was. At times Esther would reprimand him for being too hard on Niklaus but deep down, although he would not admit it, he loved the boy dearly.

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**AN: I hope you liked it:) I meant to show a softer side to Mikael but to also keep him close to character, but I don't know how I did. He seems a bit to nice...lol And even if you didn't like this, please tell me in a review!:) xo**


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